Chi Squared is questing! Episode 1/25

Good evening, this is Chi Squared, bringing you this breaking news story! The Tif-fanny's jewelery store has been robbed! The wily thieves broke in earlier this evening, robbing the store of all it's signature jewels, gems and creations! Police have issued an All Pointe Bulletin for the suspects!

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See here the most recent mug shots police have on file of the notorious duo! The pink one, who calls himself "Argyle" is the muscle, and the blue one, who calls herself "Joyce" is the mastermind, constantly plotting new ways to sneak into the shop owners and rob them blind.

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Sgt. Poole is on the case, and the Britannica Police Dept is offering a $10,000 reward for information that leads to the capture of Joyce and Argyle. Please do not try to apprehend these crooks on your own, they are considered armed and dangerous! This is Chi Squared, signing off from our SCB affiliate, Channel 11.

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While Chi Squared is following leads and news stories, our crooks, happy with their bags of gems and loot, count the night's haul, and Joyce is working on her contact list for a good fence. Argyle is planning on their next heist, reading over the newspaper ads, seeing who's jewelry store is having a big sale. Joyce glances over and sees that the paper is upside down, but keeps her mouth shut, good muscle is hard to find these days.

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Arriving in their custom made airship, they affectionately dubbed the "Falcon", the two burglars stealth their way into the store, using their high tech jelly fingerprints to mask their identities, too bad they forgot to cover their faces... The security cameras have already given them their Kodak moment...

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And just like that, it turned into a smash and grab!

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Run! Run! cried Joyce to Argyle, and they jumped into their Falcon, that took off running down the street. The silent alarm must have been tripped, the cops are hot on their tails!

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Sgt. Poole and his trusty sidekick, Officer Trutle, quickly rope off the scene, keeping the curious bystanders away from the gems strewn on the sidewalk. No sense in adding insult to injury! Waddling slowly, Sgt. Poole didn't even notice the crooks hovering above them with apparent flight delays! Officer Trutle tried to tell Poole, but moving slowly is kind of his gig, and talking slowly does have its drawbacks.

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After gathering up the evidence at the crime scene, the police officers start interviewing bystanders and the shop owner, looking for clues. But since they can't really interview the shop owner in the store, they may as well make use of the donut bar across the parking lot. Trutle grabbed up a gem to pay for the donuts, no one will mind, right?

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Employing some high tech gadgets, Sgt. Poole and Officer Trutle are hot on the vapor trail of the Falcon! The mists emanating from the crusty craters below might be skewing the data, but they are still heading in the right direction, Poole can feel it in his rhino horn!

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Putting the Falcon into warp speed, Joyce and Argyle zoom across the universe, and decide that maybe some space grub is called for after a narrow escape and the adrenaline rush of the heist!

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Joyce is happy sipping on her cocktails, paying conspicuously with a large gem from Tif-fanny's, alerting the bartender to something amiss. Besides, he caught the news that there was a reward for this couple of thieves, and was already dreaming about spending the rewards!

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Quietly ducking behind the bar to make the call to the cops, he was amazed to hear the sirens already! And then he realized that was the TV in the background, someone turned on a re-run of CHiPS!

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The police actually arrived on the scene, however, having missed the latest BOLO (Be on the look out), they didn't recognize the Falcon OR Joyce and Argyle! This provided them with the opportunity to escape!

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We barely escaped! We need a new plan on how we can live our lives in luxury with this stolen loot, and not be recognized! bemoaned Joyce. Argyle, not much for words, drolly chuckled out "Dude!" and then offered a brilliant idea!

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Joyce and Argyle turned on the TV and running with Argyle's idea, decided to Petflix and Chill, binging two entire seasons of QueerEye for the Straight Pet, getting ideas on how they can create their own make over!

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WHAT IS THAT NOISE? yelled Joyce, above the noise of the TV. Argyle, glued to the makeover transformation, snaps his head up just in time to see Sgt. Poole and Officer Trutle, about to launch their docking hook and climb aboard the Falcon!

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Moving faster than anyone thought possible, Argyle lept into the driver's seat and punched the Big Red Button, throwing them into Super Hyper Drive, leaving a sonic boom behind, as they broke the speed of light!

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Throttling back out of Super Hyper Drive, Argyle piloted the duo to the infamous Dr. Ratfink, plastic surgeon to the "stars" and those who liked to keep a low profile! It was going to cost them some of the best quality gems taken from the Tif-fanny's heist, but it still left them some good quality gems to retire with.

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Slightly nervous about undergoing the knife, Joyce is happy to count backwards from 100, barely getting to 95 before nodding off, and Argyle waved goodbye!

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And just like that, with passage of time and Dr. Ratfink's nefarious skills, Joyce and Argyle are transformed into entirely new...

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And two days later, the bandages have come off and Argyle and Joyce are calmly sitting next to each other, silently contemplating where the other one might be, so oblivious that their new "makeover" has also made them oblivious to the other! Excuse me, I'm looking for my friend, Joyce" said Argyle to Joyce, who looked startled to hear his voice from the new fascade!

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While Joyce and Argyle were clucking and preening over each other and the transformation, Sgt. Poole and Officer Trutle are shown into the waiting room by Nurse Cratchett, looking high and low for the duo. Joyce said that was money well spent!

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After such a close call with the law, Joyce and Argyle decided to give Dr. Ratfink and his office crew a little 'bonus' payment, to ensure their silence!

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Dr. Ratfink and Sgt. Poole are enjoying the melodies of Pebbles and the Gravel, while Joyce and Argyle realize that Poole impounded the Falcon, and launch themselves from the awning, leaping on the backs of the Tweeterbirds, who love not only watching the news, but making it!

GO HOME AND CHANGE YOUR PET, SO YOU CAN ENJOY ANOTHER EXCITING SPACE JOURNEY! STAY TUNED TO CHANNEL 11 FOR UPDATES ON THE CROOKS!
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