Captain is questing! Episode 1/25

Captain went to visit N2P2C2 to ask about a problem with PnF software. But to his horror, the robot's house was full of bugs. BUGS! The thing N2P2C2 most hates!

"I feel outmoded," said N2P2C2. "I must either get an upgrade, or the developers will leave me to rust in pieces."

"Don't you mean 'rest in peace'?" asked Captain.

"I meant what I said," the robot replied.

Captain thought for a bit, then said, "follow me, I've got an idea!"

Captain is questing! Episode 2/25

"I found this trail of magic beans earlier today," said Captain. "Magic beans must lead to somewhere magical, where someone can conjure you an upgrade!"

"Does not compute," replied N2P2C2.

"Have you got any better options?" asked Captain. The lights on N2P2C2's body flickered furiously, but he made no reply. "Then I guess you'd better follow me!" said Captain.

Captain is questing! Episode 3/25

The trail continued over the horizon in both directions. "My randomiser says we should go left," said N2P2C2.

"My left or your left?" asked Captain, turning to face the robot.

N2P2C2 bleeped again. "The randomiser says 'your left'."

Captain was about to set out, then paused. "My left before or after I turned round?" he asked. N2P2C2 decided it was better to move than get Captain even more confused, so he set off, and soon they were in a truly weird landscape neither of them had ever seen before.

Captain is questing! Episode 4/25

Eventually the trail led to a beach, where they found Billy. "I've been invited to the Oscars!" he said excitedly. Then he stopped prancing and looked crestfallen. "The trouble is, I don't know the way."

"Are the Oscars magical?" asked Captain. "Kinda," said Billy. "Then follow us!" said Captain. "The magic beans know the way!"

Captain is questing! Episode 5/25

Captain, N2P2C2 and Billy followed the beans. "Did you try any other routes to the Oscars first?" N2P2C2 asked Billy.

"When I was spawned, Mother said all you had to do to get to big events was follow the crowd, so I did," Billy replied. "But I ended up in Walmart, so I went home."

"There are some very big webs over there," said Captain. "And the beans are headed that way."

Captain is questing! Episode 6/25

It was no great surprise to find Boris lurking in the giant webs, but he found them just as daunting as everyone else did. "I don't know where these came from," said Boris. "They seem to go right round the world. I would love to follow them wherever they lead, but I am too small. I keep dropping through the gaps. I wish I was bigger, then it would be easy."

"Come with us!" said Billy. "There's magic at the end of the bean trail!"

Captain is questing! Episode 7/25

The little group followed the beans through another strange landscape. "Are you sure it's magic at the end and not Bertie Bott's?" asked Boris.

"But Bertie Bott IS magical!" said Captain.

"What kind of bot is Bertie?" asked N2P2C2. "I have not heard of a robot by that name."

Captain is questing! Episode 8/25

The landscape became more pleasant. The group met some other travellers coming the other way.

"Lion - scarecrow - robot - girl - dog," said N2P2C2. "Does not compute."

"Try 'tin man'," said Captain.

The other group was also looking for magical help. The two groups agreed to carry on in the same direction. Surely one group would find something at the end of the trail of beans!

Captain is questing! Episode 9/25

The journey would have been more fun if Billy had not been so darned excited. "A starfish at the Oscars!" he said. "Stars and starfish are natural companions!"

"Have you thought of living in the sky?" asked Boris.

Captain is questing! Episode 10/25

At last they reached a massive beanstalk. "The beans seem to be coming from here," said Captain.

"Nonsense! This is a huge radio mast for broadcasting the awards!" Billy insisted.

"I see nothing magical here," said Boris.

"I compute it will take us three days to walk home," said N2P2C2.

Captain is questing! Episode 11/25

Before they could leave, a badger arrived. "Looking for magic?" he asked. "You must be barmy. Sky Trolls live at the top of that beanstalk. You won't last fifteen minutes if you go up there."

"My 15 minutes of fame!" shouted Billy. He began to climb the beanstalk as fast as he could.

Captain is questing! Episode 12/25

The others followed Billy up the beanstalk. Boris and N2P2C2 wanted magical help, but Captain just wanted to stop them all from getting hurt!

Captain is questing! Episode 13/25

At the top of the beanstalk they met a fox'maid. She frowned. "I am the Good Witch. I was expecting a group led by a girl with a dog," she said.

"Where are the Sky Trolls?" asked Captain, who wanted to avoid them.

"On the far side of this cloud," replied the Good Witch. Before Captain could stop them, Billy, Boris and N2P2C2 had set out as fast as they could.

Captain is questing! Episode 14/25

The cloud was very slippery and coloured by the sunlight. "Follow the yellow slick road!", shouted Billy, who was clearly losing it.

"Castle ahead. SKY TROLLS. Hello? Are none of you scared?" shouted Captain. But the others were determined to reach the castle. Captain went with them. "You need people of intelligence on this sort of Mission ... Quest ... Thing!” he puffed, struggling to keep up.

Captain is questing! Episode 15/25

On the way to the castle they found a goose with an enormous collection of golden eggs. "Take my eggs!" she honked. "Free!"

Billy was unimpressed. "The Extraordinary Egg Of Extreme Extravagance? I got tons of those in 2017. Which way to the castle?"

The goose was furious, and chased them off with an axe.

Captain is questing! Episode 16/25

Running from the goose, they lost their way. The next thing they knew, they ran into a witch cat with a lot of food. "Aren't you the Wicked Witch of the West?" asked Captain. "No, I work for GrubHub," she said. "I was able to fly all this food up here, but now I'm knackered. If you help me deliver it to the castle, you can have my tip."

Captain is questing! Episode 17/25

Boris wasn't much good at food deliveries, so he hitched a ride on the witch's broomstick. The rest of the group carried what they could.

Captain is questing! Episode 18/25

They knocked at the door. The Sky Troll was enormous. The witch just went into her regular patter.

"Hi there! We're all from GrubHub and I'll be your Server on a Stick today. Do you want contactless, or shall we take everything inside?

Captain is questing! Episode 19/25

The Troll led them inside. "Keep quiet, I don't want to wake my son," he said.

"That baby's bigger than you are!" whispered Captain. "How can a baby be bigger than its parents? Where do baby Sky Trolls come from?"

"This is a Fairy Tale," said the Troll. "So nobody knows the answer."

Captain is questing! Episode 20/25

"I have travelled far to get magical help," said Billy. "No can do," said the Troll. "I want magic too," said Boris, turning to the witch. "Well don't look at me," she said. "I've got food to deliver." "You have a wand. Does not compute that you cannot do magic," scowled N2P2C2.

"Now you're talking!" said the Troll. "I don't do 'magic'. I can only grant three wishes, no more, no less!"

Captain is questing! Episode 21/25

N2P2C2 went first. He wished for an upgrade, so the Troll turned him into a Protocol robot.

"My new name is 110921," he proudly announced.

"Blow that, nobody will ever remember it," said Captain. "You're always going to be N2P2C2 to me!"

Captain is questing! Episode 22/25

"I was invited to the Oscars, but I couldn't find the way when I followed the crowd", said Billy. "Nobody watches them any more, that's why," said the troll. "Think again."

"Then I want to be a star instead of a starfish!" said Billy.

"Easy," said the Troll, and turned Billy into a sloth. "There's lots of jobs for sloths in Hollywood these days. Go and talk to my two guests about it."

Captain is questing! Episode 23/25

Turning Boris into a bigger spider was a simple affair, but the group were astonished to see the Troll became smaller when Boris got bigger.

"Is that a side effect of making Boris bigger?" asked Captain.

"No, every time I grant three wishes I get smaller," said the Troll.

"But who will look after the baby?" asked Captain.

"Take a look outside," said the Troll.

Captain is questing! Episode 24/25

Outside the castle was an ENORMOUS Sky Troll. The witch cat was scared to death and flew away at once to deliver ice cream to eskimos.

"Will you be looking after the baby?" asked Captain, trembling.

"No, I AM the baby," explained the Troll. "When daddy gets smaller, I get bigger. Now I get the wand. I need to shrink! It will be years before I grant enough wishes to get inside the castle again. Would you like to stay here and take care of daddy?"

Captain had to admit this was a better home than any he had lived in before. So he agreed.

Captain is questing! Episode 25/25

Billy, Boris and N2P2C2 left, their hearts at ease.

"Where did that witch cat go?" asked the Troll. "She's gone without her tip."

"She said we could have it for helping her," said Captain.

"Well you're the only one here who has made nothing out of this adventure, so I'll give it to you," said the Troll. Captain had to jump about to dodge the rain of gold coins that the Troll dropped from far above his head!
Captain has completed the quest! Please select another pet as visitor, so it can also take part!