Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 1/25

Ruby Ragdoll was feeling happy and excited. Her birthday was coming up in a couple of months’ time and she was about to set off for the shopping centre on a Quest—to find the perfect outfit for the occasion! This would involve visiting lots of different shops, but money was no object! Accompanying her was Posh French Poodle, Blanche. Ruby spotted Hermminie Grump nearby. “Hey, Hermminie Grump!” she called. “Why not join us for the day for a spot of retail therapy?” Hermminie Grump readily acquiesced. “I’ve missed this!” she said.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 2/25

Ruby had with her a large handbag, or her “personality purse” as she liked to call it, as from its expression she could imagine it begrudged her spending anything, and that it would hang onto her coin purse and debit card inside for grim death!

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 3/25

Ruby was consulting the bewildering map of the shopping mall. “Throw six to start!” she remarked jokingly to Blanche and Hermminie Grump. At that point an amiable looking cow ambled up to them.
“Hello, you three,” she said. “My name’s Mrs Juniper. I’m here to offer you some special shopping opportunities, exclusive to yourself! I’m a Jigsaw Cash Cow. All you need to is reassemble this map of the Mall into the order you’d like them to be in for your offers to be revealed.”
“That sounds fabulous, Mrs Juniper! Tell you what, how about we all start with a trip to the ice cream shop while we plan our route from the jigsaw?” responded Ruby.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 4/25

Her companions eagerly agreed, and they entered the pink façade of a shop inside the shopping centre. Very soon they were tucking into milkshakes and ice creams. There were several possible ways to put the jigsaw together, and they excitedly discussed their plans and options. Ruby was set on finding a lovely new dress for her birthday, with shoes and jewellery to match, while Hermminie Grump announced that she was also planning a large party and was looking for ideas for accessories for the theme.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 5/25

When they’d finished their snacks, Ruby went to the counter and insisted on paying for them all. After she had handed over the correct amount of gold and silver moles, she made to put her purse back into her bag, then stopped. “No,” she said impishly. “You know what? I’ve been feeling that this austere, grim-looking bag won’t let me get my purse out again for the expensive items I have in mind! I’m sure its personality is such that it will hang onto it tight. So I’m going to put my debit card in with my money into my purse, and I’ll zip it up in my pocket. That’ll teach it to be tight-fisted!” The others chuckled as Ruby suited the actions to her words.
“We’ll wait for you outside,” said Mrs Juniper, as Ruby struggled to fit her debit card into the purse amongst the coins. “I’m a bit in the way here, and we can be looking for the right route to our first shopping stop.” Ruby’s companions trooped outside and waited, looking interestedly around until she eventually joined them.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 6/25

They debated whether to pick up a shopping trolley from those lined up in the corral but decided against it. They paused to exclaim over the many varied activities available to them, and after discussion decided on a landmark to meet at should they get parted from each other’s company.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 7/25

There was a large travel agency nearby, offering worldwide trips.
“Where would you all want to go to?” queried Hermminie Grump.
“France!” said Ruby.
“Japan!” cried Blanche.
Mrs Juniper thought carefully about it and then opted for Australia!
"Me too!" cried Hermminie Grump.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 8/25

Blanche had been delicately high-stepping her way between the busily shopping pets in the Mall. Then with an excited squeal she spotted just the thing—a dog grooming salon! Here was her opportunity to get a new ‘do and have a pampering session!

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 9/25

Hermminie Grump said she would go in search of fancy dress party costumes and suggested they met up in an hour’s time. Ruby, Blanche and Mrs Juniper agreed, and they went their separate ways, with Mrs Juniper accompanying Ruby in her capacity as cash cow to approve special offers for her purchases.
They met as arranged later on, and admired Blanche’s new groomed look. Ruby had been to several shops and boutiques and had admired and tried on quite a few things, but was determined not to rush into any actual purchase until she was sure.
“I see you’ve had a successful shopping spree!” commented Ruby when Hermminie Grump scurried to rejoin them at the appointed time, lugging a huge bag of stuff.
“I certainly have!” Hermminie Grump enthused, as she fell over her shopping bag, spilling its contents on the ground. Hermminie Grump knelt down to pick the items up, while Ruby and Blanche started to help, but got side-tracked trying on various articles of fancy dress!

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 10/25

Ruby suddenly gave a muffled shriek and darted behind Mrs Juniper, peering over that lady’s back into the throng of pets in the Mall.
“It’s Edgar!” she whispered in alarm. “Hide me—don’t let him see me! I almost ran into him when I was riding my bicycle on the pavement the other evening. I’m sure he’ll have a reprimand all stored up for me about that! Plus whatever else he wants to throw into the mix, like not having my lights on two and a half minutes after sunset!”
“You do like to live dangerously, you rebel,” murmured Mrs Juniper indulgently.
Hermminie Grump chipped in urgently. “Huh! He was standing glaring at my lawn the other morning. I expect it hadn’t been mown in neat enough stripes!” Hermminie Grump and Blanche also sidled nervously round to Ruby’s side of Mrs Juniper.
“Oh, Edgar’s all right!” said Mrs Juniper. “He’s good friends with my own particular friend, Esmerelda. I’ll say this for him: he makes a fine cup of tea!”
Ruby dropped back down behind Mrs Juniper. “He saw me! What am I going to do? Quick, I must hide—you too if you want to, Hermminie Grump! I have an idea! Where’s your bag of party masks and costumes? Keep Edgar talking, Mrs Juniper.”

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 11/25

Mrs Juniper, a peaceable soul, flicked her tail a little at these goings-on and turned to greet Edgar genially. After exchanging polite greetings, the raven frowned and said, “Didn’t I see Ruby Ragdoll here a moment ago? I wish to speak to her most particularly.”
Mrs Juniper looked elaborately around her and said vaguely, “Yes, I believe she was here a few moments ago. I expect she saw something in a shop and rushed off. You know what we girls are like with pretty, fashionable fripperies!”

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 12/25

Mrs Juniper casually turned her head again, and gulped in shock. Talk about hiding in plain sight! There, on the stand of petequins, were Ruby, Hermminie Grump and Blanche, frozen in modelling poses, wearing a jumbled assortment of garments, masks and hats!
Mrs Juniper held her breath as Edgar hopped close to the display and stood there regarding each of the models frowningly for some time. Finally, he turned.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 13/25

“Mrs Juniper,” he said sternly. “You have been deceiving me, haven’t you?”
That poor bovine hung her head guiltily. “Edgar—” she started apologetically. But Edgar interrupted. He hopped over to her and said, “You told me not a minute ago that this was an emporium of pretty, fashionable items for females. It is plain to me that this is not the case! I have never in my life seen such a bizarre collection of mismatched, outmoded garb.”
Mrs Juniper drooped her head again. “Edgar—” she again commenced miserably. But Edgar forestalled her. “I’m being jocular, Mrs Juniper! I have no doubt that this attire—” he revolved swiftly round and waved a wing at the petequin dais, on which three of the occupants, who had felt a ripple of hope and had slightly relaxed their posture, suddenly snapped back to rigid attention—“c’est tout ce qu’il y a de plus chic! What would I know about female modes, with my rough-hewn masculine perception?” He gave a ponderous chuckle.
Mrs Juniper cheered up a little. “I think you have a great deal of refinement, Edgar.” Somewhere in the vicinity there was a smothered snort of laughter. Ignoring it, Mrs Juniper bravely said, “Would you like to go into that tea shop for refreshments, Edgar?”
Edgar responded, “That’s very kind, but perhaps on another occasion. I am really very anxious to find Ruby.” He exchanged goodbyes and hopped away, glaring left and right into the crowds of pets.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 14/25

The three model imposters were finally able to release the tension of the past few minutes with huge sighs of relief. This was short lived, however! The fashion buyer came hurrying up to them.
“You must be the models from the agency for this afternoon’s show,” she said. “Where on earth have you been? Oh dear me, what have they sent me this time?” She stood back and surveyed them, tapping a pencil on her teeth. “I’m sorry, honey,” she said to Hermminie Grump. “You’re a little too short. Why don’t you take a seat in the audience? I’ll have my assistant bring you a cold drink while I sort your two friends out, okay?”

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 15/25

Before they knew where they were, Ruby and Blanche had been bustled to a backstage room and were being critically examined by the store buyer.
“Excuse me, I think there’s been a mistake,” ventured Ruby, but was interrupted.
“I’ll say there has been, honey! You really aren’t dressed to your best advantage at all, you know. Not like this splendid French poodle, so immaculately coiffed and stepping out so fine! Right, here’s the rack of dresses, young lady, and here’s the canine accoutrements. We’ll alternate between the two of you, so while one is sashaying down the catwalk—ha ha!—the other is returning and getting changed. What’s that you’re carrying?”
Ruby looked down at the bag she had forgotten she was clutching. “Um—it’s a bag of fashion wigs,” she said. Seeing the buyer’s look of disapproval, she hastily said, “If I keep switching wigs, it will give the impression there’s not just one of me!”
“Mmm—well, all right. Okay, you have just five minutes to get ready and then the show starts.”
She hurried out, leaving Ruby and Blanche to exchange glances of fright and apprehension.
“I’ve never done anything like this before in my whole life!” cried Ruby. “What if Edgar’s in the audience?”
Despite herself, Blanche giggled. “Edgar? In a show of female couture?”
“Well, you know, he wrote that thing in the PnF Gazette about What the well-dressed raven is wearing. Oh gosh—c’mon, let’s get this thing over. Can you help zip me into this frock?”

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 16/25

Very soon they were ready, and when the fashion buyer returned they were waiting, scared but determined, by the curtain at the back of the catwalk. Then energetic, cheerful music started, coloured lights started pulsing slowly, and when the assistant drew back the curtain, Ruby felt enthused. Despite feeling very nervous of the sizeable audience she made a very reasonable job of imitating the swaying walk of models on all the fashion shows she’d ever seen.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 17/25

“Very nice, honey,” commented the buyer when Ruby came back, relieved, behind the curtain. “Just remember to pose for a second or so longer when you get to the end of the catwalk before the swivel. Why do they call it a catwalk? It should be cat-spring or cat-pounce ...” She was speaking to thin air, as Ruby had already darted off to do a quick change while Blanche was strutting down the red carpet displaying items of canine fashion.
They very soon found they were enjoying their fashion experience and then towards the end, two Otters, Mabel and Olivia, and the Sassy Radish turned up. They were the models originally booked for the show, arriving late as their car had broken down.
They were very grateful to Ruby for holding the fort, and they quickly donned one of the last few dresses each and joined in the fashion parade.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 18/25

After the show, Ruby and Blanche, chattering excitedly in their relief now their ordeal was over, met up with Hermminie Grump and Mrs Juniper again.
“Guess what, Mrs J?” called Ruby happily. “I fell in love with that gorgeous pink dress I went on the catwalk first with—it’s the perfect party dress for me—and the buyer’s giving me a generous discount on it and the matching shoes and earrings as a thank you for taking part in the fashion show! I’ll just go and complete the purchase now!”

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 19/25

They all crowded round the cashier’s desk as Ruby’s fabulous new dress and accessories were carefully wrapped in tissue paper and then placed in a special ribboned box. Beaming happily, Ruby felt in her pocket, then in growing alarm started patting herself down and then groping frantically in her handbag.
“Where’s my purse? It’s gone! It had all my money and my debit card inside it!”
There were moos, woofs and squeaks of consternation from her companions!

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 20/25

Just then Edgar, who had approached, unheard, behind them, said, “Ah, found you at last, young lady!”
Ruby shut her eyes. “That’s all I need,” she whispered. More loudly she said, “Oh hello, Edgar, how are you? I’m a teensy bit busy sorting out my purchase at the moment, I’m afraid!”
“Then you’ll need this, won’t you?” Edgar produced a very full coin purse and dropped it on the cash desk. “I was having a most tasty pot of tea for one and saw what happened. You took it back out of your pocket to leave a gratuity in the saucer and then left the purse on the counter. I told them I’d catch you up and return it to you, but that was more easily said than done. It’s almost as if you’ve been avoiding me all morning!”
“Goodness, why would I do that?” managed Ruby, finally able to proffer her debit card at the cash desk and take ownership of her gorgeously wrapped dress box. “Edgar, I’m so grateful! Will you join us for tea and cake?” Edgar graciously accepted the invitation.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 21/25

The little group explored the Food Court and debated their options. Should they have soup and garlic bread, or hot potato wedges or chips, or some Mediterranean food reminiscent of their recent trip to Italy, or perhaps coffee with a Chelsea bun?
“There’s a Japanese Tea Room here,” remarked Ruby. “Does anyone fancy trying that? Only I’ve heard you are supposed to kneel on cushions throughout.”
“I don’t know if I can manage that!” responded Mrs Juniper. “Do you think we’d have to do that, Edgar?”
“Well, Mrs Juniper, my favoured seat would be upon a pallid bust of Pallas—which, admittedly, I am unlikely to be offered. So let it be a cushion.”
“Pallas? Who’s he?” asked Ruby, totally at sea.
“She, not he. Pallas is another name for Athena, the goddess of wisdom.” He struck a pose and declaimed:
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
“One of the finest poems ever written,” stated Edgar. “I’m named after the author, you know. Or, then again, perhaps it’s a coincidence.”

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 22/25

Somewhat bemused, the little group entered the Japanese Tea Room, where they were served from a steaming traditional kyusu. Edgar explained to them in great detail the procedure and significance of the Japanese tea ceremony — “such impeccable etiquette!” — and touched on aspects of traditional Noh theatre.
"Of course, that couldn't be further removed from the ‘gentlemen of Japan’ described by WS Gilbert as being ‘On many a vase and jar; on many a screen and fan’. But we shouldn't discuss that here; the Japanese Tea Ceremony should be enjoyed in silence, you know, so we'll concentrate on our beverages."
However, everyone had finished by this time so they waited whilst Edgar drained his cup of (by this time) cold tea, then they all got up to leave.

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 23/25

The little tea party broke up shortly afterwards. They all gathered their purchases and belongings together, with Ruby double-checking she had her purse before thanking Mrs Juniper again for her help, then that bovine lady said goodbye to the little team.
Ruby, whose conscience had been troubling her a little, then said “Edgar, when I was out on my bicycle the other night—”
Edgar interrupted. “Oh yes, I was standing in your way, wasn’t I? I’m so sorry, I was thinking about something else. It’s most commendable that you were getting some healthy exercise! Too many don’t! And Hermminie Grump, I was admiring your lawn the other day. It’s excellent that you mowed around the dandelions and plantain instead of running them over. You can make most beneficial herbal teas from them, you know.”

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 24/25

“I’ve had a lovely day, although it was quite scary to do the fashion parade, and it was the most awful feeling when I couldn’t find my purse,” said Ruby. “It’s most enjoyable to go shopping! Do you know, some lucky pet is going to win a shop today? I wonder who? What would your favourite shop look like?”
They debated this on the way back to the car park.
As they were all climbing into the car, Ruby said, "You know, he's not such a bad old stick after all."
Hermminie Grump stopped and said, "You mean Edgar? That reminds me: who is WS Gilbert?"

Hermminie Grump is questing! Episode 25/25

Ruby Ragdoll gave Hermminie Grump a lift home in her Morris Minor, with Blanche in the front passenger seat blissfully craning her head out the whole way, her ears flapping in the wind and in imminent danger of obliterating her new 'do.
Safely back, Ruby revealed a special shopping gift for Hermminie Grump! They all agreed that they would look forward to their next spot of retail therapy!

Hermminie Grump has completed the quest! Please select another pet as visitor, so it can also take part!