Chatterbot is questing! Episode 1/25

One afternoon, Skeezle was busy with his scrapbook, a pile of press cuttings, a pot of glue and a brush, pasting evidence of his many successful cases. He was feeling despondent. “I feel like I’ve gone as far as I can in this job. I’ve been doing it for years. It would be lovely to retire,” he thought to himself. Rather moodily, he cut out an article from PnF Gazette where the last of his cases had made headlines. Mystery of missing eggshells—another triumph for Skeezle! He was only a little cheered by recollecting his ingenuity in this particular matter, which had involved a series of baffling disappearances of eggshells of newly hatched chicks. Who would have thought that the missing items had been taken by—well, no names, no pack drill—but that particular pet, a keen gardener, who had been demonstrating the superiority of growing seedlings in eggshells; a practice beneficial to both seedlings and the surrounding soil, due to the minerals they absorbed from the calcium carbonate.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 2/25

Just then there was an urgent knock at the door. Nothing loth to have a break from his slightly depressed thoughts, Skeezle jumped from his chair to greet his visitor. It was Chatterbot, clutching a large, colourful bean!
“Skeezle,” cried Chatterbot. “Something really strange is happening! You’re the best pet to investigate this!”
“Dear me,” replied Skeezle. “Come in and tell me all about it.”
Chatterbot joined Skeezle in his living room, perched on a comfortable chair, and while Skeezle tidied away the scissors, the glue pot and the brush, and propped his scrapbook open at the last entry so that the glue could dry, it poured out a strange tale.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 3/25

Chatterbot had been returning home on the path through Badger Sett Woods when a light mist started swirling around them and stretched all along the path as far as it could see, but strangely, the mist was only on the path and not in the spaces on either side. The mist got thicker, and Chatterbot became aware of the sound of very heavy, regular footsteps treading back along the path behind them. The ground vibrated underneath with the measured thud of each tread! Chatterbot had remained frozen to the spot for some minutes as the foot-falls moved on and the sound receded, while at the same time the mist grew gradually lighter. And there on the ground in front of them was a very large multi-coloured bean! Chatterbot could see other beans of different colours at intervals along the path. Just then a raven flapped slowly past them and landed on the ground next to the first bean. It then took off and flew a little way up the path and perched on the next bean, watching Chatterbot. Very cautiously, Chatterbot had approached the nearest bean, listened intently for a moment, prodded it and then finally picked it up, whereupon it could sense some strange power within it but did not feel it was at all malevolent. “Skeezle’s the one to advise what to do,” it thought, and it took off fast in the direction of Skeezle’s home, clasping the bean tightly to itself.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 4/25

“Goodness,” remarked Skeezle. “Can I examine the bean?” He placed it on the table in front of him. “Hmm. It smells quite nice. Let me have a nibble.” He cautiously bit into one end of the bean, while Chatterbot drew closer, watching in awe.
“Tastes okay,” commented Skeezle. “But, you know, I only like Heinz’ baked beans. On buttered toast.”
“Yes, that yummy tomato sauce!” replied Chatterbot. “So—what do you reckon, Skeezle?”
“You know what I think, Chatterbot?” responded Skeezle. “I think this needs investigating, that’s what I think! Let me just get a few things together and if you’re game, we’ll go and have a further look.”
Chatterbot waited whilst Skeezle packed the bean, his magnifying glass, a notebook and pencil and a few other bits and bobs he had found useful in his profession over the years. He also made a huge stack of cheese and tomato sandwiches to keep them going.
As they left the house, Skeezle had the strangest feeling that he wouldn't be returning. “Ah well,” he thought, “time for pastures new, perhaps.”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 5/25

Skeezle and Chatterbot proceeded back towards Badger Sett Wood. Whenever they encountered a fellow pet, Skeezle made a point of shaking paws and clapping them on the back.
Chatterbot and Skeezle left the main road and entered the wood. They only had a short distance to go before they spotted the beginning of the bean trail! They followed the trail, picking up as many of the beans as they could carry.
A strong breeze appeared out of nowhere, making the pets apprehensive. Chatterbot exclaimed, “Wow! Where did that come from?” The wind became more powerful and both pets struggled to avoid being blown off the path. The colourful beans weren’t greatly affected, though. They rose and dipped a little but remained more or less in place on the path.
After a while, to their relief, the wind died down.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 6/25

As evening drew near, the setting sun cast its rays beaming down through the trees and it became very warm. When they came across a stream, Chatterbot and Skeezle quenched their thirst and paused on the bank to munch on a few sandwiches before resuming their journey.
Night fell, a thick mist descended, and Skeezle got out his torch. A few fireflies punctuated the darkness with their tiny lights. The magic beans could still be seen glowing on the ground but the trees lining the pathway were almost hidden in the darkness and shrouded in mist.
“I think I see something up ahead,” said Skeezle pointing straight in front of him.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 7/25

A deep voice boomed out from within the mist.
You are now entering the Troll Zone. If you continue on your journey you are certain to meet the Troll. Here are some things you should know before you see the Troll! The beanstalk and the land it leads to belong to the Troll.
The voice continued.
If you climb up this beanstalk, do try not to fall!
It towers mile-high; unbelievably tall.
The Troll’s at the top—now don’t run and hide!
With his seven-league boots he’ll catch up in one stride.
With his huge bulbous nose and attire that’s quaint
From his head to his toes, oil painting he ain’t!

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 8/25

The mist thinned a little, just enough for Chatterbot and Skeezle to see what lay ahead. There was a clearing in the wood and in the middle a green plant with a very thick base sprouted upwards to a height of about twelve feet where it tailed off with vines spiralling in all directions. The disembodied voice boomed out again:
To meet with the Troll you must climb very high,
He’s the King of his Land; he’s the Troll of the Sky.
Awaiting to guide you: of all beasts the Queen!
But to go to the top, you must first eat a bean!
As the echoes of the deep, powerful voice faded, Chatterbot looked baffled. “Is that a beanstalk, Skeezle? It’s only four metres high!”
Skeezle pondered. “Time to eat one of these beans, I guess.”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 9/25

They examined their stock of beans. Chatterbot opted for a rainbow bean, and Skeezle selected a sparkling golden one. They tentatively chewed their respective choices, but they found them delicious. Skeezle’s magic bean tasted of marzipan and Chatterbot’s was like a mix of exotic fruits.
There was a huge thunderclap, and Chatterbot and Skeezle fell to the ground in shock. Picking themselves up and dusting themselves down, they turned—and to their amazement the beanstalk had grown to an immense height and it was continuing to grow! In a very short time they could no longer see the top of it.
“Okay, Chatterbot, I guess it’s time. Let’s go!” declared Skeezle. The pets each took hold of a thick leafy stalk and began climbing. It was hard work and progress was slow. However, along the thick vines the beanstalk had a few huge, sturdy leaves that were strong enough to serve as resting points.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 10/25

As they struggled ever further upwards, the day grew lighter around them and the sun came out to illuminate their leafy path.
Skeezle made the mistake of looking down, and slipped on a dewy leaf. For a moment his life flashed before him, then Chatterbot lunged forward and held him tight against the beanstalk!
“That was too close! Thanks for saving me,” said Skeezle. ‘I’m really getting too old for these adventures. Definitely time to retire!”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 11/25

Finally, both pets made it to the top of the beanstalk, which was poking through a thick bank of cloud.
Cautiously emerging and stepping from cloud to solid ground, they looked around them in wonder. Surrounding them was a beautiful, peaceful land of rolling meadows, chuckling streams and rivulets, fragrant flowers and grazing sheep and rabbits.
Skeezle and Chatterbot revolved slowly, taking in the panorama. Then as they came back to their starting point, they both jumped in surprise—a young, pale golden lioness was sitting on her haunches watching them benevolently.
“Hello, Adventurers!” said the Lioness. “Welcome to this unique land. I hope you enjoy your time here—and perhaps one of you will wish to stay longer than the other.”
Skeezle blinked in surprise. The Lioness gave the impression she could read his mind.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 12/25

They shook paws all round and said ‘How do you do?’ then Skeezle asked the Lioness what her name was.
“Ah, my name!” replied that large feline, rolling onto her side and flicking her tail slightly. “Perhaps you will be able to guess by the end of the day. I am going to be your guide. Perhaps you’ll find I’m worth more to you than any florin d’or. She suddenly bounded up and led them over to a pond glinting in the sunshine. Something was odd about it, however—it was sparkling gold!
“Don’t worry, it’s totally harmless,” the Lioness reassured them. ‘This pond contains special Löwenzahn honey. It fills up every time climbers get close to the end of the beanstalk. And it’s sweeter than the honey you’re used to. When you taste it, you’ll be amazed. It’ll give you a boost of energy after that long and strenuous climb. Go ahead, taste it!” She dipped a pale golden paw in the pond and scooped up some honey to encourage them.
“No thanks, I’m vegan,” said Chatterbot casually. The other two looked at them. “Only joking!” cried Chatterbot. “Sorry, I’m nervous.”
Chatterbot and Skeezle both hastened to sample some honey from the pond. Chatterbot’s eyes widened in amazement. “Wow! It does taste incredible!”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 13/25

Boosted by the energy they got from the honey, Chatterbot and Skeezle followed in the Lioness’ wake as she led them through lush green meadows. The Lioness waved a paw at the flower-laden meadow. “Spring delight,” she commented. “Like me. By the way, if you’re hungry, there are some taraxacum yonder you can snack on.”
“Sounds like a medicine!” commented Chatterbot.
The Lioness looked at them with a ghost of a smile. “Perhaps it is,” she said.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 14/25

They rounded a bend, and Chatterbot and Skeezle stopped short. In the distance was a majestic golden castle. There was a broad, straight pathway leading up to it. The pets followed the path to the castle and came to a halt at the huge golden entrance door.
“Ready to meet Mine Host?” teased the Lioness, seeing her companions hang back a little. She reared up on her hind legs and utilised the large, vine-shaped iron door knocker to send a reverberating summons through the castle.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 15/25

“Who’s there?” bellowed a deep booming voice.
Skeezle and Chatterbot promptly hid behind the Lioness.
The door creaked loudly as it opened. A huge green Sky Troll stepped into view. “Why have you come to my home?” he demanded.
The Lioness responded. “My two companions are here on a mission. They followed a trail of beans, braved the beanstalk and arrived here.”
The Troll stooped down to examine Chatterbot and Skeezle, who clutched each other nervously as his huge, craggy face hovered just inches from theirs. Then a baby Troll came crawling out of the door to investigate. It was easily the size of the Lioness.
“Goodness, how he’s grown!” she remarked. “I hope he enjoys playing with the Friar’s Crown I brought him, and the Puffball.”
“Yes, indeed,” the Troll said, beaming. He straightened up. “It was very kind of you. Now, if you followed the trail, that means you were meant to be here, Skeezle and Chatterbot. But your quest isn’t over. You have to pass the challenges next!”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 16/25

“Challenges?” gulped Chatterbot.
“Yes, indeedy,” the Troll replied. ‘I have three challenges for you. If you pass them all, there’s a prize! The first challenge is a riddle. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?”
Chatterbot and Skeezle pondered, while the Lioness paced to and fro, swishing her tail slightly.
“It would be a pity for you to come this far and be stuck at the challenge,” teased the Troll.
“Let me see,” said Skeezle, “I’ve left a lot behind, I guess. I wonder...” He brightened. “Footsteps!”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 17/25

“Congratulations, you’ve passed the first challenge!” said the Troll. “You have done well. Here’s a second one. “Can’t be weighed; it’s too light; but it’s too strong to fight!”
Skeezle and Chatterbot thought hard, while the Lioness recommenced pacing up and down the path a little way once more.
“The last answer was in a way an experience to do with our journey. Maybe this one is the same,” said Skeezle. “Let’s think—what did we have to fight to get here that is also light?”
“The wind!” cried Chatterbot.
“Congratulations! You’ve passed the second challenge,” boomed the Troll. “The final challenge is the most important. Follow me.” He led them round the outside of the castle to the back. There was a large kitchen garden, some chickens scratching and pecking, and a couple of pigs happily rooting around in a muddy area.
“Look at their muddy noses!” laughed Chatterbot.
“Snouts, you mean,” remarked the Lioness. “Swine snouts. They call me that sometimes.”
Chatterbot was baffled. “Why?” he queried. But just then the Sky Troll stopped his gigantic strides and pointed to a giant but empty coop.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 18/25

“My golden goose is hiding in the forest. She is always free during the day but goes in the coop at night to keep her safe. That goose is really very helpful to me. After the eggs are hatched I use the shells to re-pave my road and rebuild my home. Without her my home will fall to ruins! If you could get the goose to return to the pen, you’ll have passed the ultimate challenge. Here’s a bag of corn. The goose loves corn. It might help you in your quest. And here’s a feather from the goose." The Troll handed the feather to Chatterbot.
“We’ve been winning so far. I’m sure we can do this!” said the Lioness.
The animals set off in quest of the golden goose. They left the castle grounds and walked towards the verdant, colourful forest nearby. Skeezle took out his magnifying glass and examined the path carefully, the Lioness had the bag of corn in her mouth and Chatterbot carried the feather.
“How will we find that goose?” Skeezle pondered.
The Lioness set down the bag of corn. “I don’t know,” she said, “But at least the Troll gave us tools to help. We’ve got this bag of corn, plus—“
They both looked at Chatterbot. “How will the feather help?” asked Skeezle.
“Perhaps it’s just to help us know what the goose looks like,” Chatterbot suggested.
“But we know what a goose looks like. They’re big and white with a deafening squawk!”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 19/25

Chatterbot twirled the feather in perplexity. To their surprise, a line of pale blue dots illuminated the length of the feather. “Well—perhaps that will help when it gets dark,” said Chatterbot.
The three of them headed towards the forest where after some earnest discussion, they decided to split up but remain within hailing distance of each other. Chatterbot headed off to the right. After a little while, it noticed that each blue dot running up the feather was getting brighter, one by one, the further it proceeded.
“I’m getting warm!” it thought, and straightaway made an owl hoot agreed between them as the signal for “Come over here!” In a very short time Skeezle and the Lioness were at its side. Excited, they carried on a short way, and almost fell over a huge golden goose egg!
“Goodness!” said Skeezle. “Why don’t we wait here for it to return?” They hid behind a giant boulder. Nothing happened for ages.
“I’m getting hungry,” complained Chatterbot. “It’s way past lunchtime.”
“There’s some dog lettuce over there,” remarked the Lioness.
“That’s a splendid idea, thank you, but I think we have some cheese and tomato sandwiches to finish off. We, um, don’t want them to go to waste,” replied Chatterbot.
The Lioness, sprawled out full length on the grass, smiled lazily. Then she sat up. “I have an idea,” she said. “Why don’t we lay a trail of corn from here back to the pen?”
“Great idea!” exclaimed Skeezle, ever one for taking action.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 20/25

Chatterbot continued to munch on the remaining cheese and tomato sandwiches as they all headed back to the castle. Goodness, Skeezle had made enough for a small army!
Skeezle dropped corn starting at the golden egg and at intervals until they got back to the castle. The Troll greeted them. “Have you found my goose?” he asked anxiously.
Skeezle put on his best reassuring private-investigator-speaking-to-client expression. “We found a very significant clue,” he said, “a very important lead, and we are expecting developments imminently.”
Mollified, the Troll headed back into the castle, where the baby was crying. When he opened the door, the noise was deafening, but fortunately he closed the door almost at once, and the din abated to an acceptable level.
They hid behind another boulder beside the goose pen and kept very quiet. With the heat of the day and all their exertions it wasn’t surprising that they all fell into a deep sleep.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 21/25

They were woken suddenly by a loud honking. Skeezle and Chatterbot jumped up and the Lioness raised her head to look round. The goose was standing on top of the boulder looking down at them, and was helpless with laughter.
“You three seem to spend your entire time hiding behind rocks!” the goose managed to say at last. “So I decided to make it easy for you. Here I am. What can I do for you?”
“The Troll was worried that he couldn't find you and wanted your safe return,” explained Skeezle. “Why did you disappear?”
A window opened in the castle beside them, and the piercing sound of the baby crying wafted towards the little group.
The goose sighed deeply. “That,” she said. “Day and night. It’s driving me mad. Tell the Troll to put my night shelter further away and I’ll keep laying the golden eggs.”
“Okay, it’s a deal,” said Skeezle. “Hey, you’ve not touched the corn, though! What led you back here?”
The goose perked up. “Those delicious sandwich crumbs! Have you any more?”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 22/25

Some time later Chatterbot, Skeezle, the Lioness, the Troll and the Troll Baby were relaxing on the grass in front of the castle. The Sky Troll obligingly bent right down to their level so that Chatterbot could take a commemorative photo. Baby Troll was afflicted with shyness just as the shutter clicked!
“Try some of my chicory cordial,” invited the Lioness, and they drank each other’s health.
“Thank you so much, said the Troll. “I’ve been trying to get my goose back for so long. But I can’t go too far because of the little ‘un here. Young Lioness, when you go back down the beanstalk, there will be a token of my appreciation for you—no, don’t thank me; it’s not necessary. Skeezle, come and have a chat over here for a minute, will you?”

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 23/25

“You’ve been such a big help,” said Skeezle to the Lioness, “but I find it strange that after all this adventure we still don’t know what you’re called.’
“I’ve been giving you clues all along,” murmured the Lioness.
“You have?” said Skeezle doubtfully.
“Of course,” replied the Lioness. “Friar’s crown, spring delight, dog lettuce, swine snout, chicory, puffball, Löwenzahn, florin d’or—these are all various names for a very common flowering plant.”
Chatterbot and Skeezle pondered. “Something golden-coloured?” ventured Skeezle.
“I’ll give you one final clue, said the Lioness. “Dent-de-lion.”
Chatterbot piped up. “Our teacher at school said that every educated pet should know at least some French and German and the names of pets there. So—Löwe, that’s German for ‘lion’. We know you’re a lion! Dent de lion—that’s ‘lion’s tooth’. Well, we know you’ve got teeth! Large, sharp ones they are too!”
“Say it quickly!” exclaimed Skeezle. “Dandelion!”
“Yes! That’s my name!” the Lioness said. The others cheered and clapped, they all practised turning dent-de-lion into dandelion and there was general delighted paw-shaking all round.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 24/25

“Well, I suppose that’s a wrap,” said Skeezle. “It’s been an amazing journey and I’m glad I got to share it with amazing friends like you. But it’s time for me to start a new life. I love it here; I feel like I fit in, and the Troll has offered me a job to look after the Goose. He’s also given me a small farm on the downs to live in, with the goose coop beside it. Plus I think I’d like to keep bees. Many times have I read Practical Handbook of Bee Culture, with Some Observations upon the Segregation of the Queen, written by a far, far greater consulting detective than I could ever hope to be.” He brooded for a second. “I’m glad I finished my scrapbook, at any rate. The—the glue will be dry by now. Perhaps——?”
Chatterbot hastened to reassure him. “Skeezle, I will personally take your scrapbook to Mrs Eucalyptus, the librarian, so that it is kept for posterity in memory of your years in PnF Land. We will miss you.”
“Goodbye, Skeezle.” Dandelion waved a big golden paw, then trotted from the Castle towards the opening ahead. “C’mon, champion adventurer.” She beckoned to Chatterbot. “It’s time to go.”
Skeezle and the Troll stood in front of the castle watching their friends leave, until they were out of sight.
Chatterbot and Dandelion descended the beanstalk and munched a magic bean each. The towering beanstalk became veiled in mist, it started wavering before their eyes, then it gradually vanished. In its place was Dandelion’s Den.
Dandelion bounded happily inside to investigate it properly, climbing onto the top wall, then emerging from the broken doorway. “That is a proper den!” she exclaimed.

Chatterbot is questing! Episode 25/25

“Will you like living here?” asked Chatterbot. “What will you do?”
Dandelion considered for a few moments. “I guess I’ll be encouraging those who are interested in how to be the best possible version of themselves. How to be braver, more adventurous, that sort of thing.”
“I was quite scared during quite a few bits of our beanstalk adventure,” admitted Chatterbot. “I’d love to be fearless like you, Dandelion!”
“No, true bravery is carrying on even though you’re scared, Chatterbot,” replied Dandelion. “If you’re fearless anyway then there’s no bravery involved. I scare myself quite badly sometimes! But hey, Chatterbot, you have been a true champion on this adventure! Enjoy your reward—twenty golden moles!”
Chatterbot thanked Dandelion and they parted—Dandelion to start re-exploring her new den and planning how to furnish it, and Chatterbot to make its way to pick up Skeezle’s scrapbook and take it to the PnF Library, now that Skeezle had solved his last case.

Chatterbot has completed the quest! Please select another pet as visitor, so it can also take part!