Hi! This is nice, sitting here with you and having a quiet conversation. I don’t believe I have properly introduced myself to you. I am a Wombat. I live, usually, in Australia.

First, I would like to get out of the way, what everyone wants to talk about. My butt. Yes, I have heard all the jokes, and I have to say my butt serves me well. Yes, it is rather round and large with no tail to speak of. The advantage should be obvious — nothing to grab hold of! You could blame it on my bones — yes, everyone says that, I know. But I do have very heavy bones, though my butt is mostly cartilage and not bones.

You see, if someone is chasing me, all I have to do, is run for my burrow and stick my head inside, but I leave my butt outside. No one can get in, and since my butt can't be hurt by bites or scratches, I am pretty safe. My butt can crush an enemy, so a word of caution for you, don’t invite me to sit on your most delicate chairs. I would hate to crush anything you value.

I love the night, and that is when I will go foraging for shrub roots, grasses, and maybe some tender inner tree bark. Speaking of eating ... can you get a bit closer ... when you eat, you must then eliminate what your body does not want. You don’t mind talking about this, do you? Well, my poop is shaped like a cube. Yup! Neat cubes. It is all down to my intestines and how they squeeze every last drop of goodness from my food. The cube shape keeps my poop where I put it instead of letting it roll away. Rather tidy, I think!

Oh! If you should encounter a group of wombats, we are known as a wisdom. Does that mean we are smart? I don’t like to brag, but we are considered quite intelligent, though, because we are built like little tanks, we tend to go through things rather than around them. I can also run as fast as a human. Perhaps after our chat, we can have a race, and then maybe get some grass juice.

Now, I have done a lot of talking. Would you care to tell me about yourself? I am interested in what you like to eat, what your poop is like and how you defend your home. Is your butt ... too much information? Ok, let's just go for that run then.